thedigitalfolklife.org
A Production of The Folk Life ( Inc. 1976)
John McLaughlin and Jamie Downs, Editors

There were some real fun episodes at home. The old man was a ‘bit’ of a do it yourself character. When I was older and it was safe I would kid him ‘Which bit?’ I would ask.
The big sink in the kitchen got choked one day and it was a task to clear it. Thumping on the choked drain with a bunched up cloth in place of a plunger blew greasy washing up water all over the place and had no effect.
It appeared there was nothing else but to get underneath and try to remove the waste trap. At that time the trap pipe was made of lead and the join was a large metal locking ring.
After some real heave ho-ing dad finally got the damn thing loose. Damn was a word he used a lot if things didn’t go his way, he was refined in his language at home!
Right! Basin underneath to catch the by now freezing greasy water some of which ran down his hands, along his arms and into his oxter and didn’t please him, ‘damnable waater’.
When it had stopped running and the basin was filled, he slid it out to Ma and said ‘get rid of that muck!’
What do you do with a basin full of rotten water, Ma was very practised at waste disposal, she threw it down the sink!
Dad screamed in an unconstrained manner. ‘fur F’s sake Peggy’ just managing to stifle the uck!. He jumped bolt upright as the water made him drookit, except, in his excitement he forgot he was lying on his back under a porcelain sink. CRACK, his skull battered the sink into submission and he screamed louder. This was the funniest thing I had seen in along time, like an Abbot Costello Movie. Ma’s face was a picture, she sure as hell wanted to laugh out loud, I sure as hell wanted to laugh out loud, and I did as I bolted from the kitchen into my bedroom throwing myself on the bed shaking uncontrollably, I had to bite the blanket to try and stop him hearing me!
Then I heard it, Ma let go laughing, ‘like a drain’? and just couldn’t stop.
Who could be angry at this wee wumman, tears rolling down her cheeks so bad she had to remove her glasses to dry them.
We eventually got a sheepish, ‘Ok, ok, it wisnae that funny’ from the old man which sent ma into near hysterics followed by myself, now brave enough to realise he wasn’t so much mad as suffering from dignity loss.
Every now and again that night, ma would suddenly burst out laughing at the memory of the sight, bringing a reluctant smile to the old man’s face and eventually he had to admit, ‘ Ok, it was kind of funny, but it was bloody sore at the time!’
It took a few days for the laughter to subside.
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One time I remember the old man laughing at anothers misfortune was when Uncle George McIlwraith, Aunt Isa’s husband, visited late one night.
We used to have a large jetblack Labrador called Jet, original name that, this dog hated uniforms with a vengeance.
George arrived late off his shift and called in to take Aunt Isa home, and get his usual cup of tea.
He knew the dog pretty well, the dog knew him pretty well, so there was no problem there.
The shift George worked was as a Postman! He came through the door, a loud guy at the best of times, on he came as I had opened the door for him, he ruffled my hair, ‘howzit gaun wee man, jeeezuschrist,JET,JET whit the...... ‘ his words were lost as Jet pursued this Postman’s uniform right out of the close, snarling and barking. I took off after the dog, if it caught him he was done for.
George ran around the front of the building around the side and vaulted up on to our ground floor balcony, a height of about six feet. Shit he was fit for an old Guy.
I shouted for him to take the postman’s hat off as by this time the dog thought we had a uniform breaking into the house and was going frantic.
Dad opened the living room door that led on to the balcony and George just about collapsed inside. Dad could hardly talk for laughing, he was trying very hard to maintain a seriousness about the situation. Yes a grim face crinkled with laughter.
I took the dog back into the house and let him in the living room, we all thought the uncle was going to have a heart attack, except I knew it was the hat Jet didn’t like, without it the uniform looked just like any other dark suit.
Jet strolled up to George and licked his hand, you could almost see it in the dog’s face. Did I miss you at the Door?
We all shrieked as George nearly fainted!